there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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