Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
