Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize
