"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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