Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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