Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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