Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
