come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
