I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
