I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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