Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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