do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
