I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
