we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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