i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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