WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
