there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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