Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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