My sheets look like a crime scene.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
