you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
