Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
