Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
