wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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