the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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