TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
