i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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