Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
