you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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