Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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