I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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