so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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