just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
