watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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