in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
