As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
