If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
