Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just got carded by a ten year old.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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