Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
