Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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