My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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