My room smells like vodka and shame
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
