Its about making memories worth repressing
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
