I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
