plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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