YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
