rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
