what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
