Can i not drive my cunt home
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
vagina is talking i cant
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
