I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
