When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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