i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
