Can i not drive my cunt home
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The best revenge is premature balding
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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